Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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