My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize