They should really pass out barf bags in church
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
did you just send me my own nude
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
