I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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