I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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