Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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