So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
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