he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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