I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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