In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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