u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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