I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
