it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
