i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
