You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
