I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
