you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
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