11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
