I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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