Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize