would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
