Princesses don't give blow jobs
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
porn star boner night. come get it.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
