You can't motorboat a personality
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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