first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
