Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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