I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
