then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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