I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Watching her eat just hurts me
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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