im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize