We won't sleep together?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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