I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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