Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
