is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
