My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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