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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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