wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
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