your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
