Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
