the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Don't make out with my wife yet
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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