thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
