she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
the night ended with taco bell and tears
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize