i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
