I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
