I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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