Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
We have started to decorate penises.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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