Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
