The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
