I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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