Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
