DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
