soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
