I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
