He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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