Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Randomize
