I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
