That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
