saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
