i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
