Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
