Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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