She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
