I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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