He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
