we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
