roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize