i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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