did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
