I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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