last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
The air taste purple.
Randomize