Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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