i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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