We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You pole danced in your parka.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
