Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
