wanna go halves on a baby?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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