So drunk its hurt
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
