You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I would fuck him just for his dog
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
