Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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