I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize