You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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