Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
