i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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