I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Sacagawea was the original milf.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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