so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
