If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
