Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
