there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
