He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
BRING THE BAGELS
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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