Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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