I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
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i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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