I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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